Something interesting happened to me tonight. I was walking back from the library, it was about 12:15am or so, and a random black guy (with his wife) yells out to me "Hey Korea". I look up, and he asks me if i remember him. I've never met him in my life, but he went on about how i helped him to a hospital once. He told me a story about how he was a soldier, how he spent 18 months in Korea, how he almost got married at Korea, how tough his life is cause he's black, etc etc. And then he tells me he needs some money for him and his wife, he has no money at all, and he needs to catch a train to god knows where. He asks for 13 bucks. So i pull out my wallet, i dont have any singles, and i give him 15 dollars. He tells me, truthfully, i have no money, and i might need 20 dollars. I tell him, no i can't give that to him.
I know that this guy is scamming me. I know he probably made that whole story up, guessed that i was korean, and winged it from there. He probably scammed 15 dollars out of me. He even went so far as to tell me that he would pay me back, that he would remember me, and that he'd give me back 20 dollars since i'd been so nice to him. I knew he was scamming me. Yet something possessed me to give him the money anyways. I dont know what it is. I just absent mindedly gave him 15 dollars. I didnt think about whether or not he was telling the truth. Afterwards i felt like an idiot. Why did i give him that money? It was obvious to anybody that he was scamming me. What frustrates me more than the fact that 15 dollars is burned is that I dont know why i gave it to him. I dont know why.
I told myself later that maybe subconsciously, i knew he was scamming me, and that God was telling me to give him the money. God took over and decided to give this guy money. It's a silly thing to think, but it seems to be the only thing that comforts me, makes me feel less stupid. I got scammed. That easily. By a random black guy and his wife walking down the street. I'm utterly baffled.

So i got a message from an old old acquaintance (friend?) and she asked me if i was still in the LA area. Of course I am, but in about a month, I'll be as far away from home than i could possibly imagine. The next time i get a message like that, I wont be able to say "oh yea im in the area, lets hang out!" I wont be able to see the old friends that want to see me. I wont be able to see the old friends that i want to see. And what if i stay there? What if i find a job offer i cant refuse? Or what if i find the love of my life over there? who knows what can happen. But the one thing that's hit me now, is that i have to be prepared to not come back to Los Angeles, my home. Its not just Philly, its everywhere. I want to get out there, experience the world, and if i want to do that, i have to not come back to LA. I have to leave LA. Not for a few weeks for a extended vacation. The next time i come back might be years, decades. The people i know here, the connections I've made, its a little daunting.

On a lighter note, I'm getting a laptop for college. I gotta decide, do i want to spend a little extra for a little power on the laptop? or am i good with an entry level laptop. hmmmm.

I made a second entry, mainly cause the other entry had nothing to do with this one.

I think im going to register to vote with the Republican party. Based on what i've seen from the various democrats at our school, namely the conspiracy theorist liberal teachers at our school who have just about as much idea about politics as the kids at our school, i've realized the republican party more closely aligns with my core values, which i wont delve into here.

Moving on, I've noticed that when people don't understand you, they get offended. Few people seem to understand that i'm never mean to be hurtful, and that my sarcasm is not meant to be taken seriously. People also seem to get offended when i talk to them in very complex sentences, as if im trying to make them feel stupid. I don't try to make people feel stupid, that is my natural way of organizing my thoughts, and i choose the most specific words and phrases to get my point across. Lately everyones been getting offended by what i say/do. I don't know if i've become meaner, or if fewer people understand me. It may be a combination of the two. They may have resulted from each other. Who knows. But i feel like there arent anymore people who know me. It;s why i want to leave so much more. Because i know that nobody here will every know me.

Why are you here
by your lonesome?
Because i fear
that if i come
Because i know
that they will go.